from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
