People in love make me want to vomit
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
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Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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