Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
