Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
