boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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