I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
