Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
