I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
