I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
