then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
