Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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