You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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