I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
