Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
