Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
