I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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