Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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