I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize