His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
