Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
