Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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