Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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