Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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