can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
