What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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