So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
