We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
