I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Buhtt sex?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
