The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
