I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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