3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
