How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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