I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
