Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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