I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
