He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
