when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
