What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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