Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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