woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
