i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
