you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
