You really coming over, don't trick.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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