Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
