No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
