all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
