I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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