We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
