the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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