My hand turned me down
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
