You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
