I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
