Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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