this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
