he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
