so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
