thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am puke
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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